I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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