Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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