you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
