Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
