i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
