a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
