at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
