i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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