either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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