Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my liver is dry heaving
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
