coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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