im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
