As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
