She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry my hands just texted you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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