Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
