My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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