Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
