i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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