I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
