he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
