Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
