i need an iv and a liver transplant
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
