you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
