how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am available for nakedness
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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