A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
