therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
