True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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