im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the raccoons are back...
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