Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
