okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
