you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
