i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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