No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
