barbara walters just said penis...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you win again, gameday.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
