What a fucking waste of an outfit
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
