I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
