Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
