I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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