your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have aggressive nipples.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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