I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
