I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Shame - the story of my life.
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