Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
