You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
