there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
