i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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