just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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