He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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