We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
