hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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