I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
