farters have to be the big spoon...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
