the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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