When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
