Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
