Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
