We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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